Is the in between pointless?

I hate spending the whole day alone, because Im given hours to think about and evaluate my life too much. The good seems alright, the bad seems worse, and the in between seems pointless. And that leaves me wondering where the heck I am!

I want to know what my future holds. ...I want to know who I'm going to marry and when and how many kids and what job I'll have and where I'll live and the color of the gutters on my house. I want to know all of that so I can stop worrying about where things are going to end up. I want to know that I'll graduate PTA school within a year like I have been aiming for for the past five years and that I will be good at it, and not only good at it but KNOW its where I belong. I want to know that I'll never be divorced and that my husband loves and adores me and admires the woman that I am..and my kids, I just want to know that they wont have any health problems that they will just be normal kids that I love more than anything and have the wonderful opportunity of parenting and teaching them things. I want to say that I will know that my life is going to end with the "happily ever after." But honestly I dont care for the "happily ever after" I just want the chance at making my life all that I dream for it to be! Is our greatest things just our dreams or can it be our reality?

I want and wish so much in my life, I'm setting these unreachable goals and I'm so mad at myself for not being able to reach them. Example: being happy for a week. They say happiness is a state of mind or a choice. Well I say sometimes its hard to do or be what you should.

Sometimes I wish that I could slip into a coma for just a few weeks. Just a week where I don't have to worry about anything....literally, nothing! Almost as though I could switch my brain to "OFF" and all I think about is who I want to be where I want to go in life. Then I can come back to life and just be recharged with this undying thrill for life and my calling. Just pick up where I left off and turn things around for the better...most of you say oh you just need a vacation, or oh thats life...suck it up. But.....

Wouldnt it be nice?


too hopes, dreams, and the fun stuff
Casey Lynn