5 months later...

every time I sit down here to type I have a heavy heart. Half the time I'm looking for some sort of encouragement, some sort of ray of light to shed upon my closed off hurting heart to let me know I WILL make it and things will get better. The past two weeks have been nothing but that...searching. Searching for life, searching for hope, and searching for acceptance. Its been months since I ended the unhealthy relationship I was in. Why the hurt now? Things were bad intentionally after it but it got better, why now? Why now when I was doing so good? It brings up the same feelings. I feel lost and at his will again. Like my happiness rest in his hands, I'm not happy with him and I thought I was happy without him. How can one person make another so miserable? How can one person care about someone so much and that person not reciprocate it? Why does it have to be the wrong person Lord?!? That is all that consumes me. Why doesn't he love me and make me feel like I should? Why doesn't he care? Why do I still care? And more importantly why cant I move on? Ive tired to do all of the above. Ive tired to make him love me. Ive tired to be happy with him. Ive tired to make him care. And Ive tired to move on! Am I suppose to be with him and just not be fully happy? Am I suppose to settle for just the little he gave me? Why do I have to go on with this pain? This rejection I feel from him. What am I doing wrong? Lord why wont you help me...