Dream On...

Taller, thinner, smarter, funnier, good hair, more money...you name it and I have wished I had it. From Harry Potter to Carrie Bradshaw I have wished I had someone else life or someone else opportunities. Whether it be someone else life, a successful friends position, or even a complete stranger "glamours" life I have wanted it all. I know I am not the only one who suffers from the "I wishes" and "I wants" and "if only's"....I wonder what God thinks when he sees his children thinking "I wish I had a life like so and so". I think he winces every time we say it.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you HOPE and a FUTURE.

Jeremiah 1:4 Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.

He knew us before we ever came to be. He invited all of the cool shows or that cool person you are sitting by wishing you were them, don't you think he loved you enough to make you unique and cool all on your own without having to be or act like anyone else? He knows us all individually down to the number of hair's on our heads. If God had a refrigerator YOUR picture would be on it! If he had a wallet YOUR picture would be in it! If he had a desk once again YOUR picture would be on it in the center. He is crazy about you and loves you SO much that he sent his only son to die for us so that we may have a choice to live eternally. LOVE doesn't get much better than that. It’s easy to compare our self to others. It’s easy to get caught up in wanting what other people have. It’s easy to believe that someone else is living a more glamorous life then us. It’s also important to face ourselves; to really face our life. God has a great plan for your life that is tailor made just for you, so don’t face someone else’s plan, face your own. Face in God’s direction and believe in him for your fabulous life.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well!

fearfully and wonderfully made

CLC

Ideas...

Location: That house on 15.th street with all of the rustic shit out in his front yard. Rusty old horse trailer with the "cross" on it, rusty old cars, old wood, old rusty tractors. Green fields beside it, trees, shot gun houses.

Model Outfit: Purple NYC shirt, black tank top, black leather zip crooked jacket, 2 old black rustic belt slung around hips, spiked black rings, lose messy hair, smoky eyes, black or brown zip or slouch knee boots.

Location: Old tool shed with the big tree in front of it beside the pretty house on warrior river road. Old wood shed, glass windows, pastors beside it, steps going into the shed.

Model Outfit: Old faded blue jean over-alls lose fitting rolled up knee high, white men tank underneath, bare footed, minimum make-up, tall blond girl with freckles on her face, long hair, red bandanna,

Location: Old tool shed on White Drive beside Fredrick's pond. Boarded up, glass windows, steps leading to the door.

Model Outfit: Couture strapless dress white/beige, brunette girl teased BIG hair, black jewelry, black rocker belt wrapped around waist of couture dress, black see through net hose with rips in the knees, funky kick ass black boots, umbrella, purse

Picture This...

As I sat on my toilet after showering today and cried/wept/pleaded with God for answers and direction in my life I realized that I needed to do something NOW. I may not get answers or the direction I am looking for today, tomorrow, or within a month but today I have to give my 100 percent and try to see where it takes me. So with that said I feel led to try photography. Its weird. I don't even know why or how I thought of it but before I knew it it was something I had been planning out in my mind for hours. How do I start? What camera do I use? Who will I practice shooting? Where will I get the money for a nice camera? AND then the biggest question of them all...WHAT DO I REALLY KNOW ABOUT PHOTOGRAPHY?

Then the list came of why I shouldn't do this...

I don't have experience.

I never went to school for photography.

I don't have a portfolio.

You cant make a living off of being a photographer.

Who would hire me for something like that around here.

Where exactly would it take me.

The reasons why I believe I can do photography...

I have an eye for it.

I have the ideas.

I have the creativity behind it.

I am always taking pictures.

I drive by so many things through out the day and think wow that would be a cool picture with so and so standing in front of it or this or that.

Even as a little kid I have always loved looking at pictures.

I scrap book. Not because I have been a lot of wonderful places but because I appreciate photography.

Anytime I go out with someone..friends or boyfriend I am always the one to think oh we need a picture of this.

If I go out of town I always take a lot of pictures and try to capture my surroundings behind the lens.

I guess like the cliche saying goes " a picture is worth a thousand words" meaning that the idea that a complex idea can be conveyed with just a single still image. A picture tells a story just as well as a large amount of descriptive text. After all beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Not everyone looks at everything and sees the same. Maybe this is where the Lord is leading me. Maybe I dreamed it all up. We will see..

the girl behind the lens

CLC

I Must Not Tell Lies

Somewhere I was lied to. I lied to myself for years. My lie was in perfection. I wanted to be liked and talked well of. I wanted to avoid embarrassment and teasing from others. I thought that I could be grand by being number one, because we all like winners, right? I remember not wanting to do certain activities because if I thought I wasn’t going to be good at it, then why bother, why put myself though the embarrassment. I thought that if I was number one, the cool one, the talented one, the level-headed make good decisions one, then people would like me, and if people liked me, then I would feel accepted and all would be right in the world…or in my world anyhow.

Lies, lies, and more lies. It didn’t matter how I programmed my mind for this lie, because it already built a home in my head. Once the lie was in my head, it showed itself it my behavior. That is why knowing who you are in God and having a healthy positive thought life is so important…your thoughts will show up in your behavior.

I had to let the perfection go. My number one attitude that I thought would lead to popularity was an illusion. I was alone. I found myself not getting close to people because I thought that if they knew me- the real me, the flawed imperfection me, they wouldn’t like me. I was chasing the quick encounters that seemed so put together and pretty on the surface. Seeing and meeting people for short moments leave you looking pretty, but if they stick around they might catch a glimpse of normalness and not be impressed anymore. I wanted strong healthy relationships so badly. I wanted to have people close to me and like me for who I am, not because I was this or that. But my desire for strong healthy relationships can never be reality until I let fear go.

It’s okay to just be yourself. It’s okay to have flaws and make mistakes, as long as you are doing your best to be your best you. God made us and loves us just as we are. Why are we so hard on ourselves? Why must we compare or compete with others? Life is meant to be enjoyed. If I am accepting of myself the way God is accepting of me, then I know that I don’t have to chase anyone’s approval. It has to come from a real place of love and acceptance; not this fakeness we see on reality shows were everyone runs around screaming how fabulous they are while making fools out-of-themselves for a little fame and some money.

When you realize how much God loves you, that real love comes with such confidence, that you don’t need to prove your fabulous by mentioning it to anyone in shouting distance.

Let the one (God) love you into acceptance; don’t chase it. Let yourself be the one who is kind and accepting and not putting pressure on yourself to be someone you’re not for admiration. If my healthy strong relationship starts with me and God, then I will attract the one that will love me and adore me for just being me. I think I was alone while chasing perfection which in return I thought would bring me love, is because people are smart, and deep down they could smell the fakeness. I think I was alone because when you chase something so hard, you’re not trusting and whatever you want won’t show up until you know you can be fine without it.

No illusions, no fakeness, no competing, no comparing, and no complaining. Remember that we are so important to God and that he even went to the trouble of making everyone’s fingers have unique fingerprints that no one else will ever have. The details that God has done to make each one of us special is amazing. Be kind and accepting of yourself the way God is. Remember how many of you are in the world…..only one.

HI

I cant tell you how many days Ive had where I want to just pull the covers over my head and stay in bed. A lot of times those days we have are tests I think. Test so see how we react to people, situations, and choices. One thing I have learned over the past few years is that working in costumer service everyday is HARD! There a lot of days I just have to smile and bare it so to say. On the inside I'm dying....dying for answers in my life, dying for a hug, dying to hear something positive, dying to have someone say something nice and make my day. We never fully know what our neighbor is facing or what's going on in their life. In a way we just assume everyone else has it together and we are the only one's struggling in life or having a bad day. That same person we are trying to smile at and act like we have it together could very well be battling something of their own. So next time your having a bad day or just not in the mood to be friendly think twice. That person that just walked by could have been given bad news today, lost a loved one, or released from their job. You never know what a few words with a smile can do.

Be kinder than necessary, everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle!

big smiles,

CLC

Whats NEXT...

I’ve known people who jump from relationship to relationship. I’ve seen celebrities divorce and before the ink on the divorce papers dry, they’re already engaged to someone else. Is this healthy? Is it so challenging to be single for longer than five minutes? If you don’t take time to learn who you are, then how can you attract the right person into your life? There seems to be this rush, a surge of urgency to find someone to love or to be loved by; when that one person isn’t floating your boat anymore why do we scream, NEXT!?!?!

I’ve noticed that so many people never really grasp how loved they are. People seem to get value from how much money they make, how much stuff they have, how many friends are in their contacts, or what their job title is. Even though God wants you and I to live in abundance and enjoy nice things, remember that God does not want you to rely on material things to make you happy or to determine your worth. People break up, things fade, brake, get old, and become out dated. Real love is more valuable than material objects or fleshly needs.

We all want love. I’ve learned that the best love, the most stable dependable love ever found is the love that God has for me. God loves each one of us so much. There are so many scriptures that talk about God’s love for us. If you are breathing, then you have purpose. Turn to God for your love and worth. The next time you find yourself single, turn to God for sending you the right mate. The next time you feel alone, don’t feel the need to turn to a relationship for validation. I heard this wise lady explain how you should not spend your time looking for that right person to be in a relationship with; instead, you should be spending your time working on yourself so that you can become the right person to be in a relationship with. This is priceless information. If you work on yourself (and obviously I’m going to recommend working on yourself with God’s help) you will learn what you need, want and require in order to be in a healthy relationship; Take the time to discover who has those qualities instead of kissing a bunch of toads. Just think of all the heart aches you could have saved by taking your time.

Don’t spend your time looking for the next job, the next car, the next relationship, the next anything to make you happy. Be happy with who God made you to be. It’s good to have goals and dreams; God wants to give you the desires of your heart. But while you dream, remember its God you trust with your dreams. You are enough in this moment, even while you wait for those dreams to come, and when you see others reach their dreams before you. Develop the best you, because you never know what amazing thing will show up next.

Circles

i feel like life is nothing but a big cycle right now and my number one goal is to break this cycle. there is this desire for me to go sit at the airport pretending like i have somewhere to go. to feel like i know my destination and that in a matter of hours i will reach it. just to sit and watch the people traveling, sipping starbucks and moving along in life. that's how i feel now. im stuck at a terminal and dont know where i am going and everyone around me is "catching their flights" making connections and moving along in life. i feel like i have been sedetary for too long. in my mind all i can think of is what i could be doing. something needs to change. im not saying i am completely unhappy..im just unsettled.

Joel Osteen's Daily Devotion:

Not long ago, we were at the airport traveling for an event and needed to make a connecting flight. We didn't have much time, so we were rushing through the terminal trying to dodge all the people with a smile on our faces so we could make our connection. You probably already know that there's nothing fun at all about missing a flight, and my heart was racing as we hurried to our gate. Well, we finally arrived not knowing what to expect, and lo and behold, our plane had been delayed. There we were with all the other passengers just sitting at the gate. I was so relieved we didn't miss our flight that I just took a deep breath and let my bags fall to the floor. In that moment, I thought about the scripture that says, "Come to Me all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." I could just hear Jesus saying to us all, "Come over here, take a deep breath and set your bags down. Just let them go and exhale! Find rest in Me."

If you've been rushing through life anxious and worried that you are going to miss something, frustrated because there are obstacles in your way, and tired because you've been carrying a heavy load, today the Father invites you to set your bags down and rest. He wants to refresh and revive you. He wants to renew your strength like the eagle and restore your soul. He's not anxious about your future. He's going to make sure that you are in the right place at the right time. He's not going to let you miss His wonderful plan when you submit your ways to Him. Today, take a deep breath, let go of your burdens, and enjoy sweet fellowship with Him.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest" (Matthew 11:28, NIV).