Finishing Last!?!

Finishing last in the race of life...?

Yep, how'd you guess? Definitely how I have been feeling lately. I know there is no set time you have to do anything in life but why do I feel so pressured?

The pressure list as follows...

college, marriage, to move out of my parents house, to have kids, to be "successful", to buy a house..the list goes on and on.

So since there is no deadline to meet any of these, why do I feel so pressured and feel last at achieving these. Everyone in my graduating class or my age has finished college, engaged, or married with kids.

What's wrong with me?

I know none of those give you eternal happiness or success but it still doesn't make me feel better about where I am in life. Everyone is engaged and married! I know your saying yeah and probably about half of them wishes they weren't or are unhappily married. Yeah well at least they had the opportunity and tried something! I'm to scared to even do that. I am to worried about is it right and does he really love me.

Marriage and engagement can and mostly does take a back seat to what I really want. Which is a career and to finish college and truly find my purpose in life. If I had just that it'd help things. I don't even know where to start with that one though. Besides praying, seriously I don't know where...

Unengaged, without kids, and still in school,

your Casey Lynn

Letters to the Sky

Dear God,

I come to you tonight asking you for help. I am so confused and so vulnerable right now. I feel like a kid that's played with fire and has been severely burned but cant quit playing with the fire. How can I heal when I keep playing with the fire. I have people in my life that I don't know if I should let go and move on or love and keep trying to make things work and continue to try to hide my hurt and unhappiness. These people aren't all bad and they are good people and i know you have placed them in my life for a reason. I just ask you for direction, I don't know what to do father.

I feel like i have lost my direction in life Father! Am I where you want me to be? Am I doing anything pleasing to you? Am I serving my purpose at all? What do you have for me to do here in this exact place and moment? Whats my purpose? I feel like I have lost all happiness and joy in the process also. Everyday is a struggle to find something to be happy about and stay positive. Who have I turned into? Is this who you want me to be? Change me Father and make me into what would please you. Replace my wants with yours Father, I am tired of doing things my way and I am tried of searching for hope.

I pray and seek true happiness. Lord I search for your answers and your truth. Lord I seek to learn and I want to learn so that I can be a better person. I can not go on another day in this world searching for happiness and hope any longer. I know there is no over the night cure but I ask for YOUR change in me. Lord teach me and show me, change me and make me, mold me into something new. This old me no longer wants to stay the same. I am tired of being complacent and I am tired of not growing. I want to be all that I can be and do all that you intended for me to do. Show me Father, I am asking you to send me. I'll go.

I ask and I am believing in you for healing, I pray for direction in my life for my purpose and your plan for me, I pray for a patient heart and the direction and peace from you to make the right decisions about certain relationships in my life, I pray for happiness through you and a Christ like attitude that I will shine Christ.

your daughter asking for your love and direction

CLC

S'Mores

...RANDOM THOUGHTS IN NO SPECIFIC ORDER...

*I have shitty "friends". So shitty that you cancel on them once and your a "shitty friend" that is never there for them and doesn't care or call.

*All of my "friends" are only "friends" when its convenient for them.

*I went on a date with a guy that is taller than me. Actually he makes me look short. He was 6'5 (I know..wow...right)

*I'm talking to my ex again....I know...not good...right

*Joined my old kick ass gym again, the one that my ex's step mom works at and my ex goes to....refer to sentence above. And before you ask..me joining has nothing to do with him!! so there.

*I still love my ex...yeah...really not good..I know

*I want some super cute brown boots that are exactly what I want, that's hard to find. They are only $199 though...yeah guess I will chance that and see if those go on sale. They are super bad ass though =(

*I am going camping this weekend!

*I just realized about 5 minutes ago that I want have cell phone reception nor will I be able to charge my phone. Awesome, that'll be weird.

*Seriously how do you pack to go camping...I never camped much as a kid. I thought u just pack shorts, t-shirts, panties, and a swim suit. Everything else like showering and brushing your teeth is optional, after all it is camping. If anything I have ALL of those and cant go a day without brushing my teeth so I guess I'm good.

*Bedtime.

camp fires, sleeping bags, and bugs

CLC

Missing

Here today and gone tomorrow....

A guy I went to school withs step mother and his father and 17 year old sister were found dead yesterday in their house. Carbon Monoxide poisoning. Died in their sleep sometime during the night. Life is so unpredictable. Here today gone tomorrow. Its sad. What if we don't get to finish or say what we intended to say or do the next day? My heart breaks for their family and friends. My thoughts and prayers are with them. I pray for comfort and understanding in this tough time.

Change...Please!

Is ready for change...I really need some change in my life Lord

CLC

the last time...

I hate the fact that I have to drive the back roads behind my ex-boyfriends house so that I am not tempted to look and see if he is home on my way home...

I hate the fact that I expect to see him driving around town...

I hate the fact that when I go to grab a t-shirt out of my clean laundry stack I always grab his shirt that he kept at my house...

I hate the fact that MY car reminds me of HIM...

And why in the heck do I wish that he'd be in my bed with me for just one more night?

Just to reassure myself and once again remind myself of the things I passed up I will compile a list..maybe for future reference. But I'm claiming this the last post "deep thoughts" on him.

-Do you want to date someone that is all about them self?

-Do you want to date a guy that believes you watching him play 5 hours of Xbox is a fun Friday night?

-Do you want to get involved with a guy that's parents have no interest in getting to know you better or even talking to you after you've dated 7 months?

-Do you want to date or get involved with a guy that doesn't have the same religious beliefs as you or even make a point to go to church with you?

-Do you want to date a guy that is a MAN but still has no responsibility because his parents do everything for him and enable him?

-Do you want to date a guy with no vision in life or goals?

-Do you want to date a guy you cant talk to about everything?

-Do you want to date a guy that doesn't make you feel appreciated at all?

There is better and the Lord and has promised you better!

He hasn't forgotten you or forsaken you. Maybe this relationship was a test and a lesson. Don't be bitter and don't hate that person that hurt you forever. He was sent in your life for a reason and you were in his for a reason as well. We might never know why and I am not asking for answers anymore as to why the Lord sen HIM and how he could allow him to hurt me so bad. I am past that, I am not looking for answers I am looking for healing in the Lord and at the future. The Lord binds the broken hearted.

to healing hearts,

CLC

BAD DAY???